I have been chosen for His purpose, which then confirms that this all works together for my good and His glory, so I won’t let go.
There is still a process that I must go through, but I won’t let go.
To see the face that greeted me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, now unable to express emotion- I can’t let go.
To see the hands that combed my hair, changed my pampers, adjusted my clothing, provided me food, and held me close- unable to move. I still can’t let go.
To see the feet that took me to band and orchestra rehearsals, cheerleading practices and my basketball games, immovable and no longer able to run with me- I still can’t let go.
Having to witness in a few days, the body that carried my body for 9 months, placed in a metal container, lowered into the ground, and never seen again in this form, yet and still…I cannot let go.
The reason why I cannot let go is because you, my Father, are holding me and you won’t let me go. My weakness becomes strengthened through only you. When I feel my knees buckle and about to give way to me falling to the floor and wailing, you hold me up to stand. When my voice is weak and shaky from emotional strain, you speak through me.
I can’t let go…because Jesus, you didn’t let go of me. When I tried to get away from you, doing what I thought I wanted to do, I could not pull away- because you would not let me go.
I would be crazy to think that a Father who has predicated His and my entire existence on love, would desire to see me hurt to the core. Because I know that you are not that kind of Father- a Father who says one thing, and does another…I can’t let go.
I am hanging on by a thread. I am clinging to every prayer, but I won’t let go, because you didn’t let me go.
“For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ Isaiah 41:13 NKJV