I have been pregnant for some time now. Although I have delivered 4 children by cesarean section, this pregnancy is like none other.
The pregnancy appeared to be going well, once I accepted that I was actually pregnant. Denial is almost as deafening as fear. I actually believe that both denial and fear are first cousins. Denial is a refusal to satisfy a request. While fear is being apprehensive or afraid to do something. So I would refuse to do something simply because I am afraid. Afraid of inadequacy. Afraid of opinionated comments. Afraid of failing.
On Thursday, May 25, 2017, the Pastor, who is also my husband, was concluding Bible Study. He told the congregation that whatever we were anticipating the Lord to do for us, He would by July 1st and we should praise and worship Him as if it is already done. I normally would pitty-pat my hands, give a half-hearted wave unto the Lord but this time, I recall giving the Lord a completely surrendered YES. I praised Him as if what I had petitioned Him for had already occurred in my life. I honestly had not done that before.
The VERY next day, what I had petitioned the Lord for, came in an unexpected way. In fact, the Pastor was ministering on when the Lord sends you a blessing from an unexpected source. I could not believe it and even today I still cannot believe what is about to transpire in my life. However, I’m still pregnant. There are some things that have to be delivered.
Monday, June 12, 2017 – 8:43 pm, I went into labor. The thing about labor is that it happens unexpectedly. Your body gives you signs that it is almost time. The doctor gives a due date based upon information you have provided along with ultrasounds for measuring the baby’s development, but you still have no idea when you will go into delivery. I thought my mother would be on this journey with me. She was so excited when I shared with her the news that I received, but I did not realize that her passing would cause the spiritual water bag to break.
I’m still grieving. I go through various emotions every day and rightfully so; It’s only been two weeks. I honestly cannot believe that she is really gone! You may see me crying now, but it is only because I am in labor. These birthing pains are horrific. But bae baeee, when the Lord delivers what has to come forth, it will undeniably be from Him.
Now there is no more hesitation.
Now there is a sense of urgency.
Now there is a “I’ll go if I have to go by myself.”
Now there is a surrendered “yes.”
Job went through a purging process. We often read about Job from the perspective of Him losing everything and receiving double. Actually, that is not the entire story. Job’s wife was not all in. When “things” began to happen to their “stuff,” she was ready to turn her back on the Lord…all because of THINGS! She told her husband to curse God and die? Really? Ummm, sweetie, that is so selfish. So Mrs. Job you would look to inherit all of the riches and continue on in your little ole happy life and you would rather do it without your husband? You really want your husband to die rather than to trust God who gave Him everything you possess? Job’s children did not have the capacity to receive the double portion. They were already unthankful. Job petitioned God on their behalf. What would they do with a DOUBLE portion of a blessing? So the Lord removed the people and the things in Job’s life that would make Him forget who His source was and did not have the capacity to handle the next phase of Job’s life.
Maybe my mom’s passing at this time was God’s plan to have her with Him while she was doing well because He knew that soon, things would take a turn and that turn would have me more focused on her than Him. Maybe. I do not know. All will be revealed in due time. I do know this: there is a spiritual purging that I am experiencing. Outwardly, my expression is somber. Inwardly, there is a spiritual shifting that is taking place.
What noun (person, place, or thing) are you allowing to hinder your delivery or forcing you into pre-mature labor? What excuses have you made to prevent yourself from being in total submission to God? He is so much bigger than your half-hearted praise, your inconsistent sacrifice, your doubt of who He is. One thing is for certain, the will of God will be done, with or without our consent.
You are pregnant with God’s PURPOSE! The delivery date is SOON approaching. You need to prepare for the birth that will change your life, for the rest of your life!
“You need to endure so that you can receive the promises after you do God’s will. In a little while longer, the one who is coming will come and won’t delay;” Hebrews 10:36-37 CEB